Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Confessional Questionnaire

I know it is what you've all been waiting for:

The Official Euphrony Confessional Questionnaire:
January 2008 Edition©

Thank you for joining me in this little adventure into complete honesty and total humiliation. You will answer promptly and truthfully. Employing the mysteries of the internet and quasi-legal surveillance technology, I have included a lie detector in this post - you will be found out. Feel free to mock those who answer before you, with full knowledge that you will in turn be mocked.

1) Have you ever, as an adult, gone to public places in your pajamas?
2) Have you ever fallen asleep at a live event (movie, theater, concert)?
Uncle Sam wants you to floss your teeth3) When was the last time you flossed you teeth? (Remember: be honest!)
4) Have you ever stalked a famous person, in person or on-line, even for just a minute?
5) When did your teachers finally decide that your handwriting was acceptable? (Bonus points for those who were critiqued through college.)
6) Have you ever watched PBS without contributing? "And if you watch one minute without contributing, you're a thief! A common thief!"
7) Do you know the source for that last quote?
8) Do you tend to associate these behaviors with others more closely than yourself? (Seek professional help, NOW!)


Amy said...

1) Yes. When I lived in Japan, there was a 99 yen shop on the ground floor of my apartment building. I went there in my pjs all the time. I also went to the convenience store on the corner in my pjs. Haven't really done that in the States, though.
2) No.
3)I floss my teeth everyday, sometimes twice. Last night.
4) I don't think so.
5) No one, not ever, has thought my handwriting was acceptable.
6) Absolutely.
7) No idea.
8) I'm not sure I understand the question?

euphrony said...

AMY: For the crimes of walking in public in pajamas and stealing from public television, you are found guilty. For repenting the crime of pajama walking, your sentence is commuted. For PBS theft, you are sentenced to 24 hours of NOVA.

Chaotic Hammer said...

1. No.
2. No.
3. Yesterday morning.
4. No. Famous people don't generally impress me very much (seriously). I tend to think of "stalking" as a scary/weird thing done by dark, nefarious individuals. Sometimes the term is used in a more humorous or innocuous way. But if you're going to use the term this latter way, I'd argue that anyone who has ever googled anyone else on the web has done it.
5. Third or fourth grade, I think. My problem is that I am too much of a perfectionist, and can spend hours and hours rewriting a paper, even just to get rid of one little smudge or crossed-out word. Thank God for keyboards.
6. I've never contributed to PBS, and I'm sure I've watched it. So, yes.
7. I do now, because I googled it when I read it. But before I did that, no.
8. Which behaviors? Are these questions an attempt to describe a deranged individual? Is flossing one's teeth a bad sign about one's mental health? I think I'm missing something here.

texasinafrica said...

1. Yes. I am ashamed.
2. Yes, but the band sucked, so I don't feel bad about it at all. It was day 2 of a music festival at which I kept running into my ex-boyfriend and I needed a nap.
3. Last night. Not flossing is gross.
4. No. Unless you count watching Matthew McCounaughey during Texas football games. Our seats are right below his box.
5. Um, third grade? I don't know.
6. Yes. Because I am a social scientist, and am therefore aware of the fact that it is illogical to contribute to PBS when you can free-ride off of those who do.
7. Ira Glass?
8. Yes, becaue I don't do them very often. I don't need help. For this, anyway.

euphrony said...

C-Ham: For googling to find that Betty White was the source of the quote, you are hereby found guilty of star stalking in the 4th degree. Furthermore, for theft of public airwaves, you are sentenced to 24 hours of Antiques Roadshow. You will then submit a handwritten 10-page report of the most and least valuable items.

TIA: Repent you PJ walking ways! For free-loading PBS and sleeping at a concert, I sentence you to 24 hours of Barney, followed by a live viewing of The Polyphonic Spree.

Question 9): What do you do with a slightly megalomaniacal blogger prone to abusing his assumed power?

Anonymous said...

1. Oh, heeeell no.
2. Does church count?
3. Flossed with floss? I don't know. If like a business card or toothpick counts then... maybe a week ago?
4. Nope.
5. Probably third grade, I think. After I was able to give up on cursive anyway.
6. Yes, but I gave later.
7. No, but it seems really familiar.
8. I don't understand.

euphrony said...

Cach: Yes! Of course church counts! You only floss the teeth you want to keep: ergo, you do not wish to keep your teeth. You are sentenced to give your choppers to someone who will appreciate and use them wisely.

(Seth would know this quote. Where is he, I wonder? Probably involved in moving or some other worthless activity.)

Cristy said...

1) Yes I have gone many places in my pajamas (sweats & t-shirt)…mostly to the YMCA to work out, but also to the grocery.
2) Yes I have fallen asleep at the movies many times. Also, once at a Fleetwood Mac concert in my early twenties. (I had just worked two doubles in a row, though.)
3) I floss my teeth daily and the last time I flossed was last night.
4) No.
5) I think my handwriting has always been acceptable…since about age 3 when I learned how to write my name and anything anyone would spell out for me. I even learned how to write with my left hand (legibly) in first grade when my friend broke her right arm and had to write with her left.
6) Yes.
7) My original answer was no, but I do now that I googled it. Incidentally, your blog came up, too.
8) No.

Cristy said...

Wish I had read the comments before posting... I would have known to answer the stalking question differently since I also googled the quote. ; )

euphrony said...

Cristy: For googling Betty White's quote, you are hereby found guilty of star stalking in the 4th degree: sentence commuted for pointing out my Google authority. Sweats and t-shirt don't count, and neither does a gym. For lack of evidence, PJ Walking case is dismissed. However, you are found guilty of paying for sleep in public. You are hereby sentenced to attend a weekend of Civil War reenactments as a spectator.

Chaotic Hammer said...

I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.

euphrony said...


Douglas said...

1) Yes, doctors office. My pjs are sweats and a t-shirt, though, so I probably didn't look too weird.
2) Does class count? I have a really tough time keeping my eyes open when a speaker is boring, and most engineers are.
3) Day before yesterday. Yesterday I went to the dentist.
4) I read Shaun Grove's blog every day. Does that count?
5) I don't remember the last time somebody had to read my handwriting.
6) Every time. However, I don't have a TV, so that shouldn't count. You also didn't ask about public radio, so I won't answer.
7) Nope.
8) mixed bag.

euphrony said...

Mamasboy: As I said above, sweats don't count. You are correct that engineer lectures can be fatally boring: falling asleep there is a pardonable offense. I detect that your flossing was part of a feeble attempt to fool the dentist. You are sentenced to give your choppers to someone who will appreciate and use them wisely. As a thief of public airwaves, you are sentenced to 24 hours listening to Pacifica Radio.

Court is adjourned.

Douglas said...

He, he. I got a head start on your sentence by listening to part of Democracy, Now! before reading your blog. Always an educational experience, though I've yet to learn anything close to the unbiased truth by listening. You are a cruel, hard judge.

Regarding my flossing, it was not part of a feeble attempt to fool the dentist. I floss 3-5 times/week. She actually noticed the improvement in my gums this visit. In light of that, I appeal to a higher court. One less willing to judge based solely on suspicion instead of fact.


Anne said...

1 - No.
2 - Yes - movie theater.
3 - I refuse to answer that question.
4 - No.
5 - Too long ago to remember.
6 - Yes. We watch every day for free!
7 - No.
8 - What?

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