Wednesday, November 14, 2007

A modest proposition

Editor's Note: This post should in no way infer any criticism, jealously, or a fits of semi-conscious delirium on the part of the author. Okay, maybe the last; but definitely not the first two.

I have discussed this with Mrs. Euphrony, and she seems to be in agreement. So I throw out this modest proposition for
Kat and Jimmy.

Kat and Jimmy: We propose that we switch children for a week. This would not be anything trashy like ABC's
Wife Swap, but more along the lines of Ultimate Survivor: Suburbia. We're proposing a simple exchange of children for seven days, and the odds seem to be in your favor. You get two for three and go back to man-to-man coverage, while we get three for two and step up to the zone defense.

"But why?", you ask. Think of it like a foreign exchange situation, where you are able to learn of different cultures through a total immersion experience.

Mrs. E and I understand that your children take naps.
Even simultaneously. Our children take naps, as well. (Disclaimer: "Children" should not be construed to be plural. Liler'E takes naps as he is still too young to fully resist. Lil'E takes quiet time, where she goes into her room and colors and sings and plays with dolls for ten (10) minutes, after which she begins the routine of whining to come out every five (5) minutes.) Lil'E loves to play in her room for hours at a time. (Disclaimer: The hours of playtime in room occur between 9:00 p.m. and midnight.)

We also understand that your children are good eaters, even liking and requesting
broccoli for dinner. Our children also love a variety of foods. They eat well from the mac & cheese food group, and the Halloween candy group is equally loved. They are more picky when it comes to the deep-fried foods, regularly consuming only corn dogs and chicken nuggets. Fruits, such as apples and bananas, are often requested; requests are also made for broccoli, peas, green beans, and squash (Disclaimer: Requests for all vegetables should not be taken to imply the request is to eat them, or even have them on a plate.)

Rumor has it that you are, on occasion, able to have eight (8) consecutive hours of
uninterrupted sleep. Mrs. E was recently able to get eight hours of sleep, with only minor interruptions. In exchange, I only got four hours or sleep. Thus a healthy average of six hours of sleep was obtained by the parental units of our household. If the child exchange goes forward, you can expect similar nights of sound sleep. (Disclaimer: The phrase "sound sleep" should not be taken to imply that sleep will be solid. Rather, sleep will be full of sounds as Liler E is awake and either screaming or watching Baby Einsteins for between ninety (90) minutes and two (2) hours each night.)

Finally, we are lead to believe that your children are intelligent, with a
love of reading, and artistic skills. Our children also love reading, from classics like Hansel and Gretal to modern favorites like Junie B. Jones and the Yucky Blucky Fruitcake. They also like singing, even turning the entire day into a musical experience. (Disclaimer: By "musical experience", you should understand that the words that day will be delivered entirely in song, like a musical set to The Wonder Pets.) The Daliesque artwork of Lil'E is on display below, depicting an ink drawing of me just after getting a hair cut last night - I have my short hair, my short pants, and my shirt. Special attention was given to my nose, ears, and hands (which have an average of six fingers each).

Euphrony in ink by Little Euphrony

So, Kat and Jimmy, should you elect to participate in this once in a lifetime opportunity, please let us know. We love our boy and girl madly, and would love yours for the week we had them as well. Likely, I wake up from this dream and realize that I was only typing in my sleep all night long. Okay, wake up *now*. *NOW*! WAKE UP EUPHRONY! Somebody please help me!!!!!!!!!

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erin said...

This made me giggle quite a bit. Of course, I don't have kids. :)

The Secret Life of Kat said...

Ha! That was hilarious Euphrony.

But. No.

Heck we love to be with our kids so much that we're PAYING to see The Small Person. She's in Kindergarten and we're sending her to a private school simply because they offer a half day kindergarten. No other reason but that. Seems kind of weird that we have to do that.

Sooo.....there's no way I'm parting will all three of my gems for a whole 7 days.

I must admit, my kids are really good sleepers. I'm so thankful for that and I know we're really spoiled.

That's a pretty cute picture that Lil E drew. Isn't it funny how disproportionate children's pictures are?

And about the swap, I think it would be much harder than you imagine. Why? Because you have only 1 talking girl and a non talking boy. The insanity gets kicked out of control when there are two talking girls.

Someone...please...stop... the... questions....

Cristy said...

The comments on the picture almost made me spit out my coffee! Hilarious!

Maybe you could do an exchange overnight and keep all the kids. Like say...Kat & Jimmy keep all 5 on one Friday night and you and Mrs. E keep all 5 kids the next Friday night. You could call it date night and get some solid sleep to boot.

euphrony said...

Now its a shame when folks have to go renting their own children out to themselves, just to spend time with 'em. Just a pure dee ol shame.

And Mrs. E and I agree, we could handle double the questions with more sleep. Thing of it is, I can shoot the questions back at them, and either make a game of it or get them as exasperated as they were going to get us. Just a little talent I have.

About the picture: who said it was disproportionate? That's how I really look!

Cristy, I'm sure the date night exchange would work great - if only we lived within three hours of each other. Ah, well. Maybe next time.

On a serious note, Liler'E seems a bit on the sick side at the moment. Last night he screamed from about 6-7:30, at which point he fell asleep from exhaustion. Woke up at 9:30, ate a little and was back asleep by 10. Woke up at midnight and back in bed at 1 am. Woke up at 2:30 and back in bed at 4. Woke up at 6, and was up when I left for work. It was a rough night for everyone except Lil'E - she slept through the whole thing.

Amy said...

funny stuff. I really like that picture. that's a keeper.

The Secret Life of Kat said...

I'm so sorry Liler'E is sick. That sounds like a really tough night!

(fyi - you're not really selling the idea well with that info....)


euphrony said...

I guess that's why my daddy told me not to go into sales!

One trip to the doc later and we have the official label of "ear infection" on Liler'E. But I suppose I'm shouldn't volunteer that info either, eh?

Cristy said...

sheesh, I thought you all lived close to each other. Guess it doesn't work after all...

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