Captain, she canna take much more!

STOP! DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN AND/OR HAVE A WEAK CONSTITUTION.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I'm glad he was wearing his little corduroy overalls. They absorb a lot without much getting through. This is very, very, very important when a hull breach occurs.

What on earth is Euphrony talking about? Well, the other night - just before Wednesday night classes started at our church - my son's diaper had a hull breach. And I'm talking total failure, here. It's amazing how a kid almost two can run around and play, not a care in the world, while half of his leg gets coated in poop oozing out from its failed containment system. And, of course, not being at home, I had no change of clothes with me. I say "I" because Mrs. E (to her benefit) was absent this experience. It's truly amazing how a child of a mere 28 pounds can produce his own body weight in scat in a single "sitting". I feel I should call the EPA and report the trash can I threw that diaper in a Superfund site. But, alas, that is not my problem now.

Overall, though, Lil'er E has been less of a #2 problem than was his big sister. When she was a newborn she would wait until we started to change her diaper before letting go. And when I say let go I mean it - it was projectile poop. Seriously, we had to clean crap off the walls five feet away from the changing table. More than once. In a single day. What a parent won't do for love. In comparison, Lil'er E has been a tame excrement factory. At least, nothing flies across the room with him.

Well, maybe I should amend that last sentence. I should say that the brown stuff rarely flies with him. A couple of weeks ago Mrs. E had put the two kids in the bath together - always a fun playtime for them. She stepped out the the bathroom for a minute and as she did I was walking up to the bathroom door. What I saw I will never forget. There was Lil'E jumping out of the tub. Little brother had "dropped a snickers bar" in the bathwater. And picked it up. And threw it on the bathroom floor. And was he ever laughing the whole time.

Ah, memories. I'll cherish these when I'm 102 and the kids have to change my diaper.

Lil'E is growing up

So the other night at bedtime, Lil'E run's downstairs is is very excited about something.

Lil'E: Guess what! My bottom's big enough now that I don't have to use that thing on the potty!
Mrs. E and I: ? ? ? What . . .
Lil'E: That white thing. I don't have to use it anymore!
Me: Do you mean the toilet seat!?!
Lil'E: Yes! The white thing you put your bottom on! I'm big enought that I don't need it!
Mrs. E: Sweetie, that's the toilet seat. Everyone uses it. Mommy's bottom is much bigger than your's and I still use it. You always need to use it!
Lil'E: Oh, okay. (but still confused as to why)

I must say that I've never heard women so freely discuss the size of their bottom's before. I'm still laughing at this who episode.

So, what did you do on Wednesday?

Let's see. On Wednesday, I woke up, got showered and ready for work, work up the kids and Mrs. E, then headed out to my third day on a new job. After that I spent most of the day sorting through a bunch of new information at my new job and started to do some real work instead of just getting to know the place. Then I left work, picked up Mrs. E and the kids, ate dinner with them and attended a mid-week bible class at our church. Tucking the kids in and going to bed rounded it out.

Pretty average and boring day, wouldn't you say?

But the people at IJM in South Asia were a little more busy than me. They stayed up for the better part of 24 hours as they raided a business and rescued 19 people from slavery! One man was held there with his children and grandchildren. A little girl, nine years old, has pneumonia - I can only imagine how her disease would have progressed under the slave owners, and pray that she can recover in the hands of people who care for her, now.

Now, that's an exciting day! Kinda makes me feel like a slacker. But, I do what I can in this process - and so can you. Prayer is the first step, and considering some kind of monetary support. But there really is more that we can do, without ever leaving our living rooms. Go read some of what Gary Haugen had to say to me last week when I asked him some questions about this. Or go read Anne's post - she took better notes and has some great quotes from the chat.

Honestly, I am throwing this out as a challenge. I know that a lot of people (at least three or four!) read this blog. No one wants to talk about modern slavery, or women and children (even under five) being sold for sex. It's uncomfortable, and frankly a bit repulsive. But as long as speaking the truth is taboo, this disease will fester and grow. We know the Great Physician; so let's implore Him to heal this rot.

Tags: Modern slavery, Gary Haugen, Challenge

Four days with Inspector Clouseau

Thursday marks four days of my sitting through lectures by none other than Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau. Okay, it isn't really Peter Sellers' famous character, but close enough. A little older, portly, and with graying hair - but the exaggerated accent is there.

You'd think that would be fun, wouldn't you? Yes, he did talk about how there is very little resistance keeping a man and woman apart in the shower. And yes, he has repeatedly referred to some surfactants as looking like "cookratches" (cockroaches). But, how many ternary phase diagrams of surfactant/oil/water combinations can you look at in a four day period before the onset of insanity? Here, look at this one and tell me how long it would take you?

The worst part of it is that we brought this guy up from Venezuela to teach this He did the same thing 20 months ago. He is covering the exact same material. We were all hoping for a little more advanced teaching this time. The one thing he took out for this round - rheology of surfactant systems. Total bummer! Ah, well, such is life. I'll make it through this last day and then I'll be able to get back to some real work. Maybe. In the near future. I hope.

Dear Derek Webb, please don't think me a complete imbecile . . .

Dear Derek Webb,

Please don't think me a complete imbecile.

This is Euphrony. I was chatting with you last night, after the Arts*Music*Justice concert in Houston. We were having such a nice conversation. I enjoyed talking about NoiseTrade and your plans for it. I really look forward to changes to the site you were telling me about. It's amazing how fast NoiseTrade has grown, and the caliber of artists represented there. I'm also excited that you've found more people to help with NoiseTrade, so that you can make more music.

I laughed when you said you're job is not to sell records, right after telling people to vote with their conscious even it that means not voting and before you sang "A Savior on Capitol Hill". The irony was great.

We also got to talking a little bit about great artists that just are not highly recognized by the public, after I mentioned getting the Steven Delopoulos B-Sides album on NoiseTrade. We talked about Pierce Pettis, who came up because everyone walked on stage to his song "Miriam" at the start of the concert. I was talking about how "Absalom, Absalom" is one of favorite Pettis songs, and a little of what it means to me, when I felt my phone vibrate - and so I thanked you and bid you good night, both to answer the phone and let you return to striking the stage.

It was only today that it occurred to me that I stopped in mid-thought about "Absalom, Absalom". In retrospect, from what I said, I must sound like a complete idiot who has no understanding of the song or art in general. While this letter may be further evidence to said conclusion, I assure you that I am not.

Again, it was a pleasure talking with you. I hope to get the chance again soon.

Euphrony

Tags: Derek Webb

Music Monday: Little Euphrony's favorites

So, this Music Monday comes with a little side of spite. Mrs. E passed on to me that a few of ours friends who blog (people we know in real life) are tired of all the music posts I put up. They want to read more about Lil'E. Well, just because I can, I have posted about both music and Lil'E. I can imagine the consternation I am causing these individuals now and can't wait to see if they skip the post (as they said they would do for any music post) or read because it is about my sweet girl. I'm just evil that way.

Here are two of Lil'E's favorite songs. The first, I think I've mentioned before, is "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" by They Might Be Giants. Okay, I've always loved TMBG - call it a personal weakness. I've got "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" on a CD and every time Lil'E rides in the car with me the first thing she asks for is this song - even before I can get my seat belt fastened. Sometimes she wants to listen to it ten or twelve times in a row. The best part of it is that it's made her curious: Who are the Turks? Why is it Istanbul and not Constantinople? I've been teaching her history and she actually lets me! Here's a video that was done as part of Tiny Toons (really, Steven Spielberg plus cartoons equals brilliant!).


The second song is "Grace Flows Down" by Christy Nockels. I believe I've heard people say that she could sing a math textbook and sell a millions copies with people raving about her beautiful voice. When Lil'er E was first born, this song was about the only thing that would calm him down; big sis loved to sing it to try and help sooth little brother. She loves the songs, and it is beautiful hearing her sing it. The video is just pictures with the lyrics, but the voice is why you listen.


What are your kids' favorite songs?

Tags: They Might Be Giants, Christy Nockels, Grace Flows Down, Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

Already!

One of the Lil'Es favorite evening activities with dad is playing on the bed. We could be on the dark side of the moon and if I said "Let's go play on the bed" you would find both Lil'E and Lil'er E there in a heartbeat. We play monster and hide under the sheets, the kids climb on me like a jungle gym - it's all a lot of laughs.

So last night, as we were playing, Lil'E starts bouncing around and starts singing. Here are the words that were coming out of her mouth:

Alexis and Jackson sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G

What! Already! She's too young for this, right? Apparently not, because she said they also sing

Lil'E and Jaxon sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Yes, there are two kids in her class whose names are pronounced the same but spelled differently. And one of the two is sitting in a tree with my baby! She's only five, for goodness sakes, and that is way too young for these kinds of things.

Right?

Or am I just being a dad? (Excuse me while I clean my shotgun while rocking on the front porch.)

Another example, from last Saturday: We go to Lil'E's first soccer game of the season (delayed a month by Ike). On her team is a boy who was in her preschool class. Another boy from preschool had been on the same team with him last spring, but wasn't playing this fall. Boy #2 game to the game anyway to cheer for his friend, but his mom told him before hand that Lil'E was on the team, too, this year. He looked at her and said "What? My Lil'E?" and proceeded to get a bit jealous at Boy #1 being on the team but not him. I thing we'll see him at every game, but who will he be there to see? And what's with this possessiveness anyway? His Lil'E? I don't think so! But, because women can do this in their sleep, Lil'E still managed to enthrall him by sharing some of her post-game snack and securing him his very own bottle of Gatorade - and he followed her around like a puppy dog. She's got him under her power, totally controlled.

Like I said, she's too young for this. Right?

How old were you when you had your first boy/girl friend?

So as I walked out from work today to the sound of gunfire, I thought to myself . . .

. . . what a beautiful day this is. Really, since Hurricane Ike blew through we've had just really great weather here in Houston. The skies have been blue, the temperature has been lower, even the humidity has been down the last two weeks! Aside from the mosquitoes, which are swarming thick enough to drain an elephant in less than a minute's time, it's been practically perfect.

I, however, am a totally hopeless goofball. AKA engineer. For example, this morning after I got into work I encountered a minor setback in the clothing arena - the button popped off my pants. All I have to say is thanks be to God for belts! Of course, being an engineer, I found a solution to get me through the day. Enter life's little fix-it device: the paperclip. While the belt helped I looked really goofy with the pants trying to come apart, so I used a paperclip (in lieu of the safety pin I didn't have but wished I did) to keep the top of my pants relatively close together. So I traded one goofy look for another, hopefully less noticeable, goofy look. You see, Euphrony has not informed you, but he has been packing on a few pounds lately. And been in denial of needing bigger pants. Lesson learned.

(Oh, are you wondering about the title of this post? Absolutely true. It happens just about every day, as a matter of fact. When I don't have the small-arms fire, I listen to the lovely squeal of tires. I guess you might be worried about my safety, but don't be; I'm well protected working next door to the police academy.)

You can find anything on Craigslist

Seriously, any takers?

It's almost 7:00 pm around here and the wind is gusting up. One minute it'll be totally calm and the next the wind hits at 50 mph! About an hour ago we took a walk as a family - nice evening, all things considered. After that I got out to see if Sonic was open (wasn't) and ended up stopping at a gas station to pick up some fountain drinks and ice cream (the necessities). Around 10% of the houses are boarded up, and 5% of the cars on the road are cops.

We're ready for the worst, but I expect things won't get too bad. Plenty of water, from an unexpected place even. The stores have been crazy busy - I should have taken a picture of the lines 30 people deep to checkout at Kroger and Wal-Mart - but I noticed that Specs Liquor Warehouse was open. They had plenty of 1.5-liter bottles of water for 90¢ each, and no line to check out. Not a bad deal.

I'll take pics and keep people updated on our situation, as long as we have power. For now I'm going to work on getting kids in bed. It looks like Austin is staring to get the same type of winds right now that we've been getting all day here - enjoy the breeze!

Everyone sleep well. TTFN!

Tags: Hurricane Ike, Craigslist

Just something to think about

I took this picture the last time I went to the Houston Museum of Natural Science with Lil'E and Lil'er E. It is in the butterfly exhibit. In case you can't read from the picture below, it lets you know that

• Chocolate can contain up to 35 insect parts per 1.5-oz bar and
• Tomato paste can contain up to 20 fly eggs or 2 maggots in a 4-oz can.

These are according to allowances set out by the FDA. Enjoy your lunch!


(Please, no hate mail from women who are now conflicted about eating their chocolate. Thank you.)

Tags: Insects, Food, FDA, Houston Museum of Natural Science

A rambling blog gets random visitors

So I got curious and looked at my ShinyStats today. I've never really looked at all they have to offer before, even though I've had that little link on the lower-right side of my blog for ages now. I glanced at the keyword searches that they list having brought people to my rambling posts. Below is the exhaustive list for the month of July (to date). So I'm big in musical searches (Addison Road, Nate Sallie, Sara Groves, Steven Delopoulos, and Laura Story - among others) and in car accidents. Am I really that safe if such a huge percentage of my search visitors are due to wrecks? Of course, I mentioned totaling two cars in yesterday's post - so I must talk about it a fair bit.

A few that stood out when I perused the list:

• rabbit tsunami - huh?
• eye molding - okay, that's just gross
• her nipples birth story - I really don't remember blogging about that

What brings random traffic to your site?

Search Keywords

[−]

addison road 15
bad car crash 4
nate sallie in the younger days 4
brad wims 3
stavanger norway 3
the king's singers 3
bad accident 2
bad accidents 2
bad car crashes 2
car crash 2
flowbee 2
laura story 2
nate salli ruined for ordinary 2
would you rather questions 2
buttercup's baby by s.morgenstern 1
charlie brown soundtrack blogspot 1
her nipples birth story 1
if god had a refrigerator my picture would be on it...... 1
nate sallie "ruined for ordinary" youtube 1
sara groves 1
sara groves"review 1
7 tiers in heaven 1
8 wk ultrasound 1
acapella vocal band glad 1
all is well that ends well-abridged version 1
anisocoria 1
bad car accident 1
bad car accident photos 1
bing crosby 1
bing crosby - white christmas 1
bing crosby christmas 1
bing crosby christmas album covers 1
bing crosby white christmas 1
bing crosby, white christmas 1
blood:water mission 1
brant hansen + minigolf 1
car crash pics 1
carpenters - christmas portrait - 1
carpenters pictures 1
ccm album cover 1
celebrity car crash crashes 1
charlie brown christmas guaraldi 1
children dressed as musical instrument 1
christian 40 day fast 1
christmas favorites bing crosby 1
cover album band 1
crash golf 3 1
delopoulos straitjacket review 1
euphrony 1
eye molding 1
four wheeler crashes 1
gaelic in pub movie far and away 1
glad hymn thing 1
golf 3
crash 1
graduation melodies 1
hagar the horrible taxes 1
highway 6 houston accident 1
hotel empire game 1
i'm ruined for you christian song 1
inside out nate sallie album cover 1
keep eyes peeled origin 1
kid wear spiderman costume at camp 1
king's singers 1
laura story brain tumor mighty to save 1
laura story great god who saves 1
laura story photos 1
laura story words to great god who saves 1
listen to addison road 1
man cutting own hair 1
meaning of "keep your eyes peeled" 1
meaning of i'm at odds end 1
nate sallie 1
natural disaster games 1
natural disasters games 1
neil peart solo buddy rich 1
neil peart tom sawyer youtube 1
neil peart's wife and daughter 1
preventing tsunamis 1
rabbit tsunami 1
songs written by laura story 1
sonic carhops 1
stephen delopoulos 1
steve delopoulos 1
steven delopoulos straight jacket 1
the afters 1
the carpenter 1
the kings singers 1
vacation humor 1
vince guaraldi trio 1
what would you rather game 1
white christmas bing crosby 1
would you rather 1
would you rather 1
would you rather? questions 1

This caught me completely off guard

I saw this for the first time at about 11:30 with Mrs. E. We were both taken completely unawares and just about died laughing. I so sympathize.



I almost hate to ask, but what are your diaper experiences? Go ahead, get it off you chest. It won't make me sick to read the stories.

The Package, or My Foray Into The World Of International Smuggling

So I've not been much into posting lately. I'm alive. I'm well. I'm busy. Dance recitals, swim meets, preschool graduation, birthday parties (pictures to come). I've also been looking over my shoulder the last week, on the lam so to speak, because I have recently earned the nickname "Captain Contraband" at work. Yep, I'm an international smuggler.

Not that I set out to smuggle; its not like I woke up one morning and said "Self, you're getting nowhere with this 'rheology' farce. Give it up and start earning some real money on the global black market. Then you can earn enough to buy that vacation house working part-time from home, just like those people on TV." No, like most people, I just stumbled into it rather blindly.

I've got a coworker, you see, who is Chinese. He's home for a month in China, taking care of some family business; while he's there, though, he's talking to some chemical suppliers and getting me some samples for a current research project. Here's where the trouble comes in. You know all that stuff you here about the global market and the Chinese beginning to dominate it, sometimes through shady practices? For example, how many kid toys have you thrown away in the last year because of lead content? Well, the complaints are little exaggerated.

I got the samples I was wanting, through a shipper. Below is a picture of what was labeled as "PVC Carpeting Samples".



The problem - I didn't ask for PVC anything. In fact, I was expecting a black powder (hint: you'd find it in roads). So I'm thinking two things: 1) I'll take these home and use them for a mat for the kids to play on and 2) They probably hid my samples inside these packages. BING BING BING BING BING BING! Give the man a prize!



Ah, there's my black powder, tucked inside a hidden pocket in the innocuous "PVC Carpeting". Conveniently shipped without proper safety information, proper hazard notification to the shipper, and likely avoiding high shipping costs and customs delays.



Just look at that little pocket. What could have been secreted in there? Cash? Coke? A popular poppy product? A statuette of Jesus made out of cocaine? Plastic forks? Plastic explosives? The possibilities are endless.

So, I spent a little time last week documenting this arrival. Talked to my boss. Talked to my Chinese coworker to let him know what they did. Tried to make sure that the chemical supplier knows we don't do business this way. So far, no visits from men in uniforms with hats and guns, so I'm probably safe. But if I do disappear, you'll know that Homeland Security has me and someone needs to help Mrs. E and the kids with legal bills.

In other news, I've been tasked recently with pricing and arranging demos for a new microscope for the lab. I didn't have the final decision in which one we got, I just did the leg work. And now that we've selected one, I'm the one getting pestering and even angry calls from the people whose microscopes were not selected. It feels really good to be made the scape goat, ya know.

How's your week been?

Tags: Chinese products, Smuggling, Shipping

Contest canceled

I requested at least five entries for the contest to get a $10 iTunes card. I received four, therefore the contest has been called on account of lack of interest. I'll try to be more interesting next time, and you can try to get more excited for free music.

TTFN

Things to remember at the rodeo

So for my Good Friday holiday, we decided to attend Houston's annual orgy of all-things cowboy, carnival, and concert - the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. If you've never been, here are a few tips to remember to maximize your enjoyment, especially with young kids.

1) Eat. EAT! For example, go to the New Braunfels Smokehouse stand and get a bratwurst on a bun with some sauerkraut, slather on some spicy mustard and enjoy. Chase it with some creamy Marble Slab ice cream. Yum!

2) Get your picture taken with a statue of a pirate mustang. A must!


3) Go ahead and let your kids play some of the carny games. They may get a good haul of stuffed animals from the fishing game.

4) Go to the pig races. Not only is it great family enjoyment, but you can pick up this key chain.

It is called the "Poopin' Pig". Duh!

Tags: Houston, Rodeo, Carnival, Games, Prizes

Gender Blogging

Today I endeavor to point out the differences between men and women in blogland. Now, I know that leading sociologists and "enlightened thinkers" will tell you there are no differences between men and women. Besides the glaringly obvious things like men having a "y" and women having an "x" instead of that "y", I think that men and women blog differently.

Men are from Google and women are from Yahoo.

Or something like that. Maybe men are from Lycos. I'm not that sure.

From the blogs I read regularly or have looked at a couple of times, I have observed the following differences (based on frequent bloggers):

WOMEN	MEN
1) Women like to have a blog calendar. They post about bake sales on Monday and mothering tips on Wednesday and new tech gadgets on Fridays (I tried to not make them stereotypical topics). This schedule is followed, unerringly.	1) Nope. Not here. Stream of consciousness, baby!
2) Women like have give-aways on their blogs, as part of their calendar of events.	2) I'm sorry, were we talking about something? I couldn't tell because the point was lost in the details on how to win something. Men may occasionally give something away, but it will be low-key. And always random.
3) Women are highly organized into groups and collectives. Check out the corners of most blogirls and you will see links to blog rings, mommy blogs, homeschoolers, or Mac users. And they actually participate in these groups to some extent.	3) What? They're other people out there like me. Frankly, that's more than a little unsettling. Men do not have blog rings. If we did, it would be to gun clubs; and that would bring us to the attention of the Department of Homeland Security. While some might think "BONUS! Hits from the dot-gov!", in the end it would be trouble. Not that we would participate in the club, anyway.
4) About 95% of what women bloggers talk about is, in the end, trivial and pointless for most people's lives.	4) Okay, to be fair, that number is probably a bit higher for men. It's the lack of proper scheduling, I suspect.

Am I way off base? Mrs. E will say I am, because I have conceived and posted this tongue-in-cheek tripe. But do my points have any merit? I think they do. Not saying its a good thing or a bad thing, but just making some observations. I've been working with Kat and Amy and Kristen on Inspired to Action (they're the other editors), and I've discovered that I am apparently the only active male voice in the site. They like the ideas of scheduled topics for specific days, and setting a calendar, and all the things I jest about above. Me? I resist them with every fiber of my being. No real reason, just my instinctive reaction.

Ya know, there's a good reason my blog is entitled Euphrony Rambles, and that a full 40% of my posts are labeled Miscellanea. A very good reason. I posit that it is my very masculinity that makes me this way.

Tags: Gender Differences, Sarcasm, Tongue-in-cheek, Unscheduled Posts, Blogging, Mommy Blogs, Blog Rings, Instincts

Deep Thought for the Weekend

I'll have a couple of music posts up on Monday; until then I thought I would leave you with a deep thought that recently occurred to me while watching The Incredibles:

You know, I bet that Elastigirl had a really easy time during childbirth. I'm just saying.

Women, you should appreciate this the most.

Tags: The Incredibles, Childbirth, Elastigirl

A modest proposition

Editor's Note: This post should in no way infer any criticism, jealously, or a fits of semi-conscious delirium on the part of the author. Okay, maybe the last; but definitely not the first two.

I have discussed this with Mrs. Euphrony, and she seems to be in agreement. So I throw out this modest proposition for Kat and Jimmy.

Kat and Jimmy: We propose that we switch children for a week. This would not be anything trashy like ABC's Wife Swap, but more along the lines of Ultimate Survivor: Suburbia. We're proposing a simple exchange of children for seven days, and the odds seem to be in your favor. You get two for three and go back to man-to-man coverage, while we get three for two and step up to the zone defense.

"But why?", you ask. Think of it like a foreign exchange situation, where you are able to learn of different cultures through a total immersion experience.

NAPS:
Mrs. E and I understand that your children take naps. Even simultaneously. Our children take naps, as well. (Disclaimer: "Children" should not be construed to be plural. Liler'E takes naps as he is still too young to fully resist. Lil'E takes quiet time, where she goes into her room and colors and sings and plays with dolls for ten (10) minutes, after which she begins the routine of whining to come out every five (5) minutes.) Lil'E loves to play in her room for hours at a time. (Disclaimer: The hours of playtime in room occur between 9:00 p.m. and midnight.)

EATING:
We also understand that your children are good eaters, even liking and requesting broccoli for dinner. Our children also love a variety of foods. They eat well from the mac & cheese food group, and the Halloween candy group is equally loved. They are more picky when it comes to the deep-fried foods, regularly consuming only corn dogs and chicken nuggets. Fruits, such as apples and bananas, are often requested; requests are also made for broccoli, peas, green beans, and squash (Disclaimer: Requests for all vegetables should not be taken to imply the request is to eat them, or even have them on a plate.)

PARENTAL SLEEP:
Rumor has it that you are, on occasion, able to have eight (8) consecutive hours of uninterrupted sleep. Mrs. E was recently able to get eight hours of sleep, with only minor interruptions. In exchange, I only got four hours or sleep. Thus a healthy average of six hours of sleep was obtained by the parental units of our household. If the child exchange goes forward, you can expect similar nights of sound sleep. (Disclaimer: The phrase "sound sleep" should not be taken to imply that sleep will be solid. Rather, sleep will be full of sounds as Liler E is awake and either screaming or watching Baby Einsteins for between ninety (90) minutes and two (2) hours each night.)

ARTS:
Finally, we are lead to believe that your children are intelligent, with a love of reading, and artistic skills. Our children also love reading, from classics like Hansel and Gretal to modern favorites like Junie B. Jones and the Yucky Blucky Fruitcake. They also like singing, even turning the entire day into a musical experience. (Disclaimer: By "musical experience", you should understand that the words that day will be delivered entirely in song, like a musical set to The Wonder Pets.) The Daliesque artwork of Lil'E is on display below, depicting an ink drawing of me just after getting a hair cut last night - I have my short hair, my short pants, and my shirt. Special attention was given to my nose, ears, and hands (which have an average of six fingers each).

PLEA OF DESPERATION:
So, Kat and Jimmy, should you elect to participate in this once in a lifetime opportunity, please let us know. We love our boy and girl madly, and would love yours for the week we had them as well. Likely, I wake up from this dream and realize that I was only typing in my sleep all night long. Okay, wake up *now*. *NOW*! WAKE UP EUPHRONY! Somebody please help me!!!!!!!!!

Tags: Pure insanity, Wife Swap, Baby Einsteins, Wonder Pets, Sleep, Plea of Desperation, Eating, Naps, Art, Modest Proposition, Junie B. Jones, Broccoli

Things not conducive to a worshipful experience

Having teens randomly throwing candy for ten minutes while you and others attempt to worship.

Impaneled

A few weeks ago, my darling wife acted in the Birth Play (by Karen Brody). After the last performance, the cast and family/friends gathered at Star Pizza to chow down. At that time, the organizer of the play here in Houston noted my "excellent co-parenting skills"; as a result, she has asked me to sit on a dad's panel at this Saturday's Birth Fair. Being a good husband, and of course and "excellent co-parent", I accepted this honor. And so, from 11:25 until noon, me and two other guys will sit and talk about giving birth.

Don't laugh.

Really. Stop it. Now.

Why can't a group of men sit around and talk about birth, expressing their opinions on how it should be and how the system should be different? Without reading from cue cards prepared by his significant other, or being castrated, that is.

Seriously, though; if you think a man only sits the sidelines in this, then the man you're thinking of is leaving his wife out in the cold. From spending nine months of marginal sleep (when one can't sleep, neither sleeps) to running to get a bowl when the chuck comes up. From getting that bowl of pickle gelato from the Kosher/Italian deli she heard about in Parents Magazine, to comforting her through contractions and birth pains. The man is involved. While she may curse us for making a donation and leaving her to do all the hard work (especially when the baby is crowning), a good man is there the whole time to support and encourage. And, despite where the bambino grows, it took two to get there and it takes two to go from there.

So, on Saturday I'll be talking about why we (and I emphasize we) chose to have #2 naturally. Even after a cesarean section. Even after Prudence, the triage nurse, constantly belittled us for our stupid decision.

But, I only have one stipulation. This ain't gonna be no froufrou panel. Expect a manly belch or fart, if called for. And I may take a fifth of Jack, just to let the newbie dads know you won't have to wear a fake pregnancy belly or induce male lactation to be a part of this experience.

Can I get a boo ya for manly birth and child-rearing?

Tags: Birth Fair, Birth Play, Natural Childbirth, V-BAC