Friday, February 20, 2009

Things I cannot do

Seriously, strolling is the bane of my existence. Well, one of the banes, along with strong perfumes and disco music. When I walk as slow as I can - when I feel like I'm moving in slow motion like in the movies - I'm still moving faster than half the people around me. This is one of the reasons I don't like clothes shopping, because all you do is slowly stroll through racks that are placed close enough for a small child to fit between (but not a full grown man). I mean, seriously, I was walking around work on Monday - limping is more accurate, with my freshly trimmed ingrown toenail scrunched tenderly in my shoe - and my limp was faster than anyone I saw walking around that day.

What makes my inability to stroll even worse is when I get trapped, like when I'm walking down a hallway. Invariably I will encounter "the group", two or three people walking together and talking, side by side, completely blocking off the hallway. As they are deep in conversation, they are oblivious to the fact that they are walking slower than a snail and that someone is trying to walk by them. Yea verily, I am afflicted by the slow stroll of others. This is apparently a genetic problem, as I most definitely inherited this walking style from my mother. She's 73 and can still outpace me.

things you cannot do on Zurich public transportation

Sleep late (and by late I mean 7:30 a.m.)
Here's the deal - I'm prone to getting bad headaches, migraines, and they ain't fun. I've a new(ish) friend who mentioned that he has only gotten two or three headaches in his whole life, and the first wasn't until he was in his thirties - I can't fathom such a life (but he makes up for it with terrible food allergies). Anyway, like I said, I'm prone to headaches. When I sleep in, unless I'm really sick, I'll wake up with a mild headache. This headache will defy all medicine, growing and concentrating into a migraine by mid-afternoon. When I was younger I could sleep in, till around 9 in the morning; but the older I get the earlier I have to get up to avoid the headaches. Now a days I really can't sleep much past 7:30 without consequences. Luckily the kids help me out by never sleeping that late, anyway. I guess they just really love and care for their daddy.

Bungee jump
Okay, so technically, this is more a will not than a can not. If you were to tie me to a bungee cord and push me off a ledge, gravity and the cord's elasticity would take over. But the point is that you would have to tie me and push me. No way, baby - not gonna do it.

Anything you can't do?


texasinafrica said...

Slow walkers drive me crazy, too, especially when they're not elderly or infirm or mothers with lots of small children. In those cases, I understand, but when people are blocking my way just because, watch out!

I have bungy jumped. It was surprisingly fun; you should give it a go!

JSue said...

I detest slow walkers. (especially when I'm stuck behind them!!) Funny story, I worked with some folks at my last job who would not hire anyone if they were slow walkers because more times than not, slow walk meant slow work. I saw it with my own eyes...

I can not get up in the morning. I can stay up super late which is probably why I can't get up early. Hmmmm....

Chaotic Hammer said...

Anything you can't do?

Dunk a basketball.

erin said...

Oh goodness, slow walkers drive me nuts, too, especially in the mall when it's hard to get around them. I pretty much always walk at a brisk pace and so I quickly lose patience with those who don't.

I can't roll my Rs (a sad fact, given my Hispanic background) or roll my tongue.

Anonymous said...

I can't whistle, use bubble gum for it's correct purpose, finish a chapter in an accounting text. I can't use chopsticks correctly, but I am an expert at using them in my own incorrect form.

euphrony said...

C-Ham, good point. This white boy can't jump..

Erin, rolling your tongue is a genitic thing. Rolling your "r's" though . . .

JSue, the thing is I stay up late, too.

TiA, being on campuses so much, have you noticed the phenominon of Chinese bicyclists? Not Asian in general, but spcifically Chinese. The ride their bikes, but a baby can crawl faster than they ride. It's frankly amazing that they can stay upright going that slowly. It's something I noticed at A&M, and I've seen it other places as well.

And no amount of peer pressure can get me to bungee. Ever. That's why I'll never be on The Amazing Race. Oh well.

Case, I've seen you with chopsticks - you get the job done, and that's what counts.

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