Things I cannot do

Stroll
Seriously, strolling is the bane of my existence. Well, one of the banes, along with strong perfumes and disco music. When I walk as slow as I can - when I feel like I'm moving in slow motion like in the movies - I'm still moving faster than half the people around me. This is one of the reasons I don't like clothes shopping, because all you do is slowly stroll through racks that are placed close enough for a small child to fit between (but not a full grown man). I mean, seriously, I was walking around work on Monday - limping is more accurate, with my freshly trimmed ingrown toenail scrunched tenderly in my shoe - and my limp was faster than anyone I saw walking around that day.

What makes my inability to stroll even worse is when I get trapped, like when I'm walking down a hallway. Invariably I will encounter "the group", two or three people walking together and talking, side by side, completely blocking off the hallway. As they are deep in conversation, they are oblivious to the fact that they are walking slower than a snail and that someone is trying to walk by them. Yea verily, I am afflicted by the slow stroll of others. This is apparently a genetic problem, as I most definitely inherited this walking style from my mother. She's 73 and can still outpace me.



Sleep late (and by late I mean 7:30 a.m.)
Here's the deal - I'm prone to getting bad headaches, migraines, and they ain't fun. I've a new(ish) friend who mentioned that he has only gotten two or three headaches in his whole life, and the first wasn't until he was in his thirties - I can't fathom such a life (but he makes up for it with terrible food allergies). Anyway, like I said, I'm prone to headaches. When I sleep in, unless I'm really sick, I'll wake up with a mild headache. This headache will defy all medicine, growing and concentrating into a migraine by mid-afternoon. When I was younger I could sleep in, till around 9 in the morning; but the older I get the earlier I have to get up to avoid the headaches. Now a days I really can't sleep much past 7:30 without consequences. Luckily the kids help me out by never sleeping that late, anyway. I guess they just really love and care for their daddy.

Bungee jump
Okay, so technically, this is more a will not than a can not. If you were to tie me to a bungee cord and push me off a ledge, gravity and the cord's elasticity would take over. But the point is that you would have to tie me and push me. No way, baby - not gonna do it.

Anything you can't do?