Friday, January 30, 2009

Captain, she canna take much more!

STOP! DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN AND/OR HAVE A WEAK CONSTITUTION.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Caddyshack pool candy bar
I'm glad he was wearing his little corduroy overalls. They absorb a lot without much getting through. This is very, very, very important when a hull breach occurs.

What on earth is Euphrony talking about? Well, the other night - just before Wednesday night classes started at our church - my son's diaper had a hull breach. And I'm talking total failure, here. It's amazing how a kid almost two can run around and play, not a care in the world, while half of his leg gets coated in poop oozing out from its failed containment system. And, of course, not being at home, I had no change of clothes with me. I say "I" because Mrs. E (to her benefit) was absent this experience. It's truly amazing how a child of a mere 28 pounds can produce his own body weight in scat in a single "sitting". I feel I should call the EPA and report the trash can I threw that diaper in a Superfund site. But, alas, that is not my problem now.

Overall, though, Lil'er E has been less of a #2 problem than was his big sister. When she was a newborn she would wait until we started to change her diaper before letting go. And when I say let go I mean it - it was projectile poop. Seriously, we had to clean crap off the walls five feet away from the changing table. More than once. In a single day. What a parent won't do for love. In comparison, Lil'er E has been a tame excrement factory. At least, nothing flies across the room with him.

Well, maybe I should amend that last sentence. I should say that the brown stuff rarely flies with him. A couple of weeks ago Mrs. E had put the two kids in the bath together - always a fun playtime for them. She stepped out the the bathroom for a minute and as she did I was walking up to the bathroom door. What I saw I will never forget. There was Lil'E jumping out of the tub. Little brother had "dropped a snickers bar" in the bathwater. And picked it up. And threw it on the bathroom floor. And was he ever laughing the whole time.

Ah, memories. I'll cherish these when I'm 102 and the kids have to change my diaper.

5 comments:

Annie said...

You're speakin' my language, friend. Scat. Superfund. Cute post!

Cristy said...

This is great! I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying! Not so sure Lil'E will appreciate this post a few years from now...

JSue said...

Hey, next time, do you think you could call it a floater rather than ruining a perfectly good candybar? Thanks....

thecarrikers said...

I am in stitches. I am so glad I went to the bathroom before reading this post! Just kidding...seriously, funny stuff.

euphrony said...

Annie, I don't know any other language.

Cristy, this is part of the parental blackmail that will come in so handy when they are teens.

JSue, you're welcome.

Carrikers, uh, thanks. In general that's a good practice.

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