There's an app for that?

The mighty iPhone. To some a symbol of pure excess. To others, an invaluable tool for everyday life. To others still, its a new way to make rude noises.

Apple, famously, discourages people from hacking the iPhone - as a way to us it with a different wireless provider than AT&T or as a means to write your own apps. They have all the apps you would ever need, they say, in many a recent commercial. View an MRI - there's an app for that. Drink a virtual brew - yep, there's an app for that. Digital flatulence - they got you covered!

This video is from some people at the Houston Chronicle. It made me laugh.


Do you use an iPhoney or a CrackBerry? Or are you more simple than that?

Tags: iPhone, Apps

the Taco Cabana of football

As many of you know, I am a proud and loyal Aggie. Despite the fact that the recent incarnations of the football team bears little resemblance to the teams fielded in my day, I still love my Texas Aggie football.

But after watching this video I can honestly say that I've been like Hitler. And yes, that is somewhat disturbing.


Tags: Texas A&M, football, Aggies, Hitler, YouTube

Lil'E is growing up

So the other night at bedtime, Lil'E run's downstairs is is very excited about something.

Lil'E: Guess what! My bottom's big enough now that I don't have to use that thing on the potty!
Mrs. E and I: ? ? ? What . . .
Lil'E: That white thing. I don't have to use it anymore!
Me: Do you mean the toilet seat!?!
Lil'E: Yes! The white thing you put your bottom on! I'm big enought that I don't need it!
Mrs. E: Sweetie, that's the toilet seat. Everyone uses it. Mommy's bottom is much bigger than your's and I still use it. You always need to use it!
Lil'E: Oh, okay. (but still confused as to why)

I must say that I've never heard women so freely discuss the size of their bottom's before. I'm still laughing at this who episode.

cause you don't mess around with a Norse God

Copyright 2008 News Group Newspapers Ltd

A builder scared off a house-breaker by running at him dressed as the Norse god Thor.

The terrified intruder leapt from a first floor window to escape Torvald Alexander, who was dressed as the Norse god of thunder in a red cape and silver helmet and breastplate.

Sometimes it pays to read The Scotsman. Really, I can't say anything else - mainly cause I'm laughing so much.

By the way, for those who are thinking jumping from the first floor window is nothing - in Europe, the first floor is the second story (above the ground floor).

Tags: Thor, Scotland, Crazy News

News Flash: Euphrony updates blogroll, stock market dives 338 points

Maybe it means the end of the world, but it needed to be done. I've updated my blogroll (that thing on the right hand sidebar where your blog is linked to from my blog). I did a little arranging while I was at it. There are a couple of blogs that I don't want to take off my list, but since they collectively blog about once a month I felt they should be separated into a "slow lane" of the information highway.

What, you don't see your blog listed over there? Well, let me know about it and I'll put it before the management and see what can be done. But if further losses in the stock markets ensue, don't blame me!

While I'm at it, you can enjoy this child's homework (not one of mine!) that needed some adult proofing before turning it in.

(I'm told this mother works at Home Depot – she is selling a shovel. The teacher thought she was a pole dancer.)

well, not like a sasquatch

Mrs. E and I were driving around Friday night and saw this on a billboard. We got the giggles. It's for a laser hair removal place here in Houston.

Go ahead, laugh.

Music Monday: The commercial

I laugh at this one every time.



Tags: Snickers, Greensleeves, Commercial

Go ahead, laugh - It's allowed

There's nothing else I can say. Nothing at all.

This caught me completely off guard

I saw this for the first time at about 11:30 with Mrs. E. We were both taken completely unawares and just about died laughing. I so sympathize.



I almost hate to ask, but what are your diaper experiences? Go ahead, get it off you chest. It won't make me sick to read the stories.

Things to remember at the rodeo

So for my Good Friday holiday, we decided to attend Houston's annual orgy of all-things cowboy, carnival, and concert - the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. If you've never been, here are a few tips to remember to maximize your enjoyment, especially with young kids.

1) Eat. EAT! For example, go to the New Braunfels Smokehouse stand and get a bratwurst on a bun with some sauerkraut, slather on some spicy mustard and enjoy. Chase it with some creamy Marble Slab ice cream. Yum!

2) Get your picture taken with a statue of a pirate mustang. A must!


3) Go ahead and let your kids play some of the carny games. They may get a good haul of stuffed animals from the fishing game.

4) Go to the pig races. Not only is it great family enjoyment, but you can pick up this key chain.

It is called the "Poopin' Pig". Duh!

Tags: Houston, Rodeo, Carnival, Games, Prizes

Ouch!

Mr. Adams, this hits a little too close to home.

Tags: Dilbert

The Bard come to Phoenix

This is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. From Frank DeFord: In Fair Glendale, the Bard's Super Bowl Play

Upon this line-ed greensward set within
A desert the Almighty fixed but for cactus
Will be this, our strange stage for Sabbath's pigskin war,
Waged by mesomorphs come from green Blue States afar.

Tags: Football, William Shakespeare, Frank DeFord, NPR

Tidbits

Here are a few tidbits I found amusing today. Maybe you will, too.

From "Commitments Differ for College Players, Coaches" by NPR commentator Frank Deford:

There are, I have discovered, four things in the world today that you absolutely cannot count on:

1. Airlines
2. Vladimir Putin
3. Giving a small boy a goldfish and expecting it to live very long
4. College coaches honoring their contracts

. . . [the NCAA] is essentially to college athletic departments, what the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce is to casinos

______________________________________________________

From a story on the release tomorrow of the results of George Mitchell's 20-month investigation into drug use in baseball:

[Baseball Commissioner] Bud Selig does not plan to attend the news conference at a Manhattan hotel a few blocks from the commissioner's office.

(well, either he's too lazy to travel a couple of blocks or he is doing the MLB equivalent of sticking his fingers in his ears and screaming "I can't hear you!")
______________________________________________________



Tags: Sherman's Lagoon, Baseball, Steroids, Sports, College Football, Coaches, NCAA

I'm with ya', Chuck

Tags: Charlie Brown, Peanuts, Santa Claus, Great Pumpkin

Natural Disaster: The Kids Game!

Dear United Nations,

Thank you for giving everyone the opportunity to plan for and possibly mitigate natural disasters in an 80's-style video game. I sincerely appreciate how you were so deftly able to teach me the importance of defences, warning systems, and community building opportunities in the face of floods, earthquakes, and hurricanes. I promise that next time I will not place the hospital on the beach, without proper structural supports, before a tsunami hits. In retrospect, that was probably not the best move. Same goes for building the emergency shelter as a grass hut when a wildfire was likely. My bad.

Most important, I want to thank you for preventing me from demolishing, willy-nilly, the existing infrastructure of a community for the base purpose of building up my hotel empire. I can only assume that this is symbolic that you, the United Nations, are deeply interested in every community - large or small - and of the power you wield sufficient to prevent greedy "players" from taking advantage of the common man.

I am eagerly awaiting the famine, pestilence, and genocide editions, which I will play with equal fervor. Until then, I will have to continue to practice my skills at staving off these basic natural disasters.

Ineffaceably,
Euphrony

P.S. I love your other kid's offerings, as well.

Tags: Sarcasm, Natural Disaster, United Nations, Video Game, Flood, Earthquake, Hurricane, Wildfire, Tsunami

Guitar vs. Guitar Hero

Take this to heart.

Tags: Ironic but true, Guitar Hero, Comic

Rheology in action (or, How to be dull and cool at the same time)

Yesterday I promised Chaotic Hammer that I would provide something even more exciting than watching glitter settle, watching paint dry, or watching grass grow. As it so happens, it is something right up my alley.

What I speak of is an experiment in rheology. But first, let me introduce you to Deborah - judge of Israel and the first recorded rheologist. There is a relation, called the Deborah number which relates the time over which an object is deformed to some characteristic time of the material. If the deformation occurs faster than the characteristic time, the object behaves like a solid. But, if the deformation occurs over a long period of time the material will flow. Deborah described this in her song of praise when she said "The mountains flowed before the LORD" (Judges 5:5). Yes, even rock flows, given enough time.

And so, the experiment I speak of is The Pitch Drop Experiment - recognized as the longest running laboratory experiment by the Guinness Book of World Records. Started in 1927, this experiment has won its initiator an Ig-Nobel Prize for Physics in 2005! What you see here is a funnel which was filled with hot pitch in 1927, allowed to harden for three years, and then in 1930 the stem of the funnel was opened and the pitch allowed to flow. For those of you not familiar with pitch, it has long been used to seal boats against leaking; however, at room temperature it is hard and glassy and will shatter when hit (see below picture).


Are you bored yet? Well, it gets better. As I described above, even rock flows over time, and this pitch flows much faster than rock. In the 77 years since the stem was opened and amazing eight drops of pitch have exuded from this funnel of "solid" pitch. Wow! And a ninth drop is forming. They have a webcam on it, but I cannot seem to get it to work for me - ah, well. The current curator of the experiment, among others, hope it will continue for another century - "sympathetic custodians permitting".

This website and experiment are so blandly exciting that they were awarded the Dull Website of the Year — 2006 award by The Dull Men's Club. It was tough competition, but they edged out the International Vinegar Museum in South Dakota, Mushy Peas, Turnips, and Something. Again, wow; although in all honesty Turnips and Something hardly deserved to be in contention.

Really, you should take some time to check out The Dull Men's Club - just make sure you have been highly caffeinated before viewing their site. They currently have a vigorous conversation ongoing over the best marmalade and have highlighted a new documentary film honoring the fiftieth anniversary of "the world's font" - Helvetica. It is actually a highly-rated film on Internet Movie Database. Again, wow. But don't get too excited.

In the vein of today's post, I will close with a dull piece of trivia: what do the following words have in common?

Assess	Banana
Dresser	Grammar
Potato	Revive
Uneven	Voodoo

Tags: Dull, Boring, Interesting, Trivia, Experiment, Rheology, Pitch

Little epiphanies

I had a couple of little epiphanies last night. First, I decided that hearing loss is not a natural process of old age. It is, instead, a natural process of parenthood. From infants who scream in your ear as you try to sooth them to kiddos who scream for no reason at all, parents seem doomed to deafness.

The second epiphany came late last night. It is, in my humble opinion, the secret to exercise and weight loss for the chubby parent.

Step 1: Pick up the aforementioned screaming infant (or toddler, as the case may be).
Step 2: Find an open area or trail through the toys on the floor, preferably a circuit of between 30 and 50 yards.
Step 3: Walk the circuit, while simultaneously swaying and rocking the loud child and singing/cooing in a futile attempt to calm them.
Step 4: Repeat Step 3 ad infinitum.

I have great expectations for this potentially next great exercise fad, both personally and in the arena of infomercials. Look for the programs on your TV, coming soon!

Tags: Parenting Tips, Deafness, Exercise, Infants

Because Mrs. E had never heard of this

You remember our old friend, the Flowbee^©! Well, come to find out that Mrs. E had somehow never heard of this. We were chatting about cutting the Lil'E's hair (Lil'E recently cut her own hair! without permission! beaut!) and I mentioned the good ol' Flowbee. Ah, the memories of the commercials for this when it first came out. How can you not make fun of this (even if you use it, it begs mocking).

I never realized until recently that Flowbee has a competitor. The Robocut! In form, it seems similar to the Flowbee. Who do you think looks happier to be vacuuming their hair away? Personally, I think the Rococut man looks happier (in a digitally whitened, buck-toothed sort of way).

I really don't have anything else to say about these products. It's too easy, but I'm too tired to try. Okay, what to you think about the Flowbee and Robocut? Do you use them, or something similar at home? Do you secretly mock your own use of such products?

Tags: Flowbee, Robocut, Vacuum, Mocking, Haircut

Abandon hope, all ye who ride with the Euphrony's

You may remember that I've written about the joys of car ownership before. You may also remember that I became a small-time celebrity to some local rednecks after a recent accident. Well, it is time for full disclosure (you can't handle the truth, but you can handle some of it) on these accidents. What prompts this revelation, you may ask? Well, of course, it is yet another accident.

Just the facts, ma'am
This is the city: Houston, Texas. I work here. I'm a rheologist. It was the evening of July 9^th, a Monday, at about 6:20. Mrs. Euphrony had just picked up Little Euphrony from swim lessons; Littler Euphrony accompanied the two older family members in the family mini-van. The driver (Mrs. Euphrony) was attempting a right turn on red, yielding to cross traffic, when their vehicle was struck from behind. The second vehicle was driven by a girl - college age - who was as shook up about this as were the Little E's: Mrs. Euphrony was calm with the experience of someone who had been there before. Only minor damage was incurred - scratched paint and some wear of the rear bumper. No injuries were reported. A claim is being filed for reparation of damages.

Ironically, this was almost expected. You see, Mrs. E's car was in a fairly bad accident when Lil'E was four months old; and since Liler'E is now four months, it was his turn for some excitement. Not that these are the only times, because I could mention the accident that totaled the car and sent Mrs. E and Lil'E to the ER. I'm not immune to this bug, either. My car has been hit twice this year. A few years ago I went through three cars in a month. No joke: my car (totaled when a lady turned out in front of me while I was going 70-mph) and two rentals (one I ran off the road in a case of highway hypnosis, and one side-swiped by an 18-wheeler on the interstate). One of my favorites was when we did a squeeze play, where I was smashed in my compact car between Mrs. E's SUV and the 18-wheeler that rammed be from behind. Crumple zones work: trust me.

So, if you're ever our way, be sure to look us up to say hi. We can go get some dinner, play glow-in-the-dark indoor mini golf, or let kids play at a park. But, you might just want to drive yourself. Take a different route, and leave ten minutes ahead of us. Or, you can hop in our car and let the good times roll.

See ya' soon!

Tags: Car Crash, Accident, Damage, Common Occurrence, Tongue in Cheek, Driving, Houston, Dragnet