Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Little epiphanies

I had a couple of little epiphanies last night. First, I decided that hearing loss is not a natural process of old age. It is, instead, a natural process of parenthood. From infants who scream in your ear as you try to sooth them to kiddos who scream for no reason at all, parents seem doomed to deafness.

Baby Blues screaming kids

The second epiphany came late last night. It is, in my humble opinion, the secret to exercise and weight loss for the chubby parent.

Step 1: Pick up the aforementioned screaming infant (or toddler, as the case may be).
Step 2: Find an open area or trail through the toys on the floor, preferably a circuit of between 30 and 50 yards.
Step 3: Walk the circuit, while simultaneously swaying and rocking the loud child and singing/cooing in a futile attempt to calm them.
Step 4: Repeat Step 3 ad infinitum.

I have great expectations for this potentially next great exercise fad, both personally and in the arena of infomercials. Look for the programs on your TV, coming soon!

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Discontented Refuge said...

(insert pic of slightly overweight day titled "before" and same man witha 6-pack and bulging biceps titled "after")

"Euphrony's "Pathing to Perfection" model helped me loose 28 lbs! It was so easy and now I can control my children too!"

euphrony said...

Ryan, you just earned a starring role in my infomercial. Thanks for the testimonial!

Susanne said...

That sounds all too familiar to me! I think my infomercial will be for a 20-foot wide bed, perfect for co-sleeping with your 4-year-old and 2-year-old. :)

Douglas said...

You just need to grow some tits, so you can calm the baby while napping.

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